


The Preferable Maiden Fair

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-28
Updated: 2007-08-29
Packaged: 2019-01-19 23:18:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12420303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: James Potter believes that Lily Evans is quite possibly the most wretched girl he's ever met. He makes it his mission to change all that she is, right down to her stupid tie-dyed sneakers. But will Lily be the one that ultimately changes him? Uncliched but a bit AU--think of Lily as Luna-esque.





	1. The Strange Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

  
**The Preferable Maiden Fair**

_By Solarism_

Chapter One--The Strange Beginning

&&&&&

Overly fussy people always annoyed Lily Evans, which was precisely why she didn't care very much for James Potter. She'd sized him up the first time she'd met him in the shrewd way that she had inherited from her mother before her, and had found him to be wanting in all of the major departments of something that she called 'life living'. Her messy, haphazard soul did not harbor even an ounce of respect for her overachieving classmate, although she was intelligent enough to realize that she was in an incredible minority with this stand. She watched James in their classes, calculating him in a way she was very good at doing, and looking on grimly as he continued down a path of unshakable clarity. With tight lips and a far away look in her big, long-lashed eyes, Lily found James to be her opposite, and not an adversary worth her attention or concern.

Perhaps, she would come to find, this had been an oversight on her part. But Lily loved mistakes, especially ones that belonged exclusively to her, and took great pride in never making the same one twice. Her theory was that if you made all the mistakes in the world and got them over with early in life, you could proceed on fairly perfectly from then on out. Her own mind argued with her logic and told her that there were an inexhaustible supply of mistakes to be made out there in the great, wide world, and since she usually agreed with this latter side of consciousness, she ended up learning from her mistakes after all and always looked forward to making new ones. _Why repeat an error and be boring when you could be a pioneer and test out a new one?_ , thought Lily.

Her first mistake with James Potter was underestimating his craziness, though perhaps it was also overestimating his perfectionism disorder. She never could decide which mistake she liked better, so when asked, she explained she counted it as a "two for one special on aisle seven", and everyone seemed happy enough with that in the end. It must be said that the mistake cannot be wholly credited to Lily though. Yes, she did have an unusual perspective of her athletic schoolmate, and yes, she did make assumptions based on first impressions, but then, she also backed up everything she thought with answers so logical they seemed peculiar for such an illogical person to harbor. However, these mistakes may also be credited in part to James Potter himself, who encouraged her queer perception of him. In secret, he enjoyed the redhead's critical looks and sideways glances. In secret, he enjoyed the way her hair splayed across her face and got frizzy on the top when the days grew damp near late October. James loved Lily's image of him and went so far as to act it out for her in excruciating detail, just so she might keep thinking the same of him year in and year out.

Neither had the slightest idea the other was hardly what they assumed by outward appearances and chance off-handed conversations, and this was the way they were content to leave it for awhile.

It all began first year, when both boy and girl had been sorted into Gryffindor house. Lily was Muggleborn and messy, with smudged eyeliner and sporadic freckles. She was good with charms but much preferred air guitar and belting out songs she didn't know the lyrics to. She was proud, unusual, and held in high disdain by her classmates and most of her teachers. No one was quite fond of the unpredictable girl with the disregard for manners.

On the contrary, everyone loved James Potter. He wasn't so much James as he was the first half of James and Sirius. You couldn't see James without his pal Sirius Black around him. People adored James for his handsomeness and his perfectionism, his good grades and witty comments and athletic abilities. The Gryffindor house Quidditch team had their eye on him since his very first week at Hogwarts. Even when he broke the rules, which he did often for the sake of humor and good times, it was largely overlooked. People found everything he did endearing. He was a pureblood and the Potter family was deeply revered in wizarding society.

James barely noticed Lily at first. They shared the same classes and the same common room, but neither had any mutual friends (James had many friends, Lily had none) or any shared interests (Lily was interested in everything, James was interested only in thrills). Lily noticed James because everyone doted on him and he seemed to enjoy the limelight. It was difficult not to notice the most popular boy in your year, particularly when he paraded about with people like Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. He raised his hand and called out in class a lot. Lily was fond of his voice, which was warm and strong, but not of his opinions, which where entirely too conservative and closed-minded for her tastes.

Lily kept her mouth shut and drew in her notebooks instead of paying attention in most of her classes. Rapt acknowledgments of the powers-that-be were more for people like James than for people like Lily. In her opinion, the less interaction she had with the people she would have to obey if it came down to it, the better. Besides, Lily was an artist who felt her talents were being squandered on the many hours she was forced to learn Transfiguration and Potions. She may have been a witch but she didn't feel that the magic that ran through her should define her life. Naturally smart and naturally bored by anything that seemed like a by the book teaching method, Lily was content to sketch and listen to James Potter pipe up every thirty seconds about his opinion on the ancient goblin wars.

She supposed, despite the fact she disagreed with all of his opinions, that at least he spoke his mind. That was more than she could say for herself.

James began noticing the redheaded girl when she started to become Remus Lupin's love interest. Remus was one of James' best mates and James wasn't one to play a passive role in his friend's life. When Remus pointed out Lily's prettiness and all of her many wonders, James began to take note of them too. He decided right off at eleven years old that Lily was definitely not his type. He didn't like her shoes, which were tie-dyed, or her hair, which was a flaming, carefree red. In a sea of brunettes and blondes, Lily's hair looked obstinate. James did not care for things that were obstinate.

James was a very ordered, involved person. He went to every Quidditch match and was wildly supportive of the Gryffindor team. His house pride sickened Lily, but James thought their house was the best house ever. He would rant when the Gryffindors lost and flaunt their clear superiority when they won. James never skipped class, befriended the house elves, made the prettiest girls swoon, and sauntered around campus very comfortable in the belief that he would stay young forever.

He was what Lily would call a young soul. She, herself, was an old soul and was as proud of this as James was proud of Gryffindor house.

Lily was not an incredibly social creature; she did not need people the way James needed them, but nor was she an introvert. She enjoyed conversation if it was intelligent, which usually was the reason why she found herself was talking to James' friend Remus so much. Remus was the closest thing to a kindred spirit that Lily had at school, and she made good use of him. Remus always loved Lily's drawings, and through Remus, Lily heard many stories about James.

Everything she heard more firmly planted the idea in her mind that James Potter was certainly no one to bother with.

Also through Remus, James became more and more confident that Lily Evans was a queer girl that needed someone to lighten her up.

It became James' preoccupation to get to know this interesting specimen of a wild child and to tone her down a bit. It bothered him the way she was so different from him and it seemed to him that taming her spirit a little would be doing everyone a favor, including Lily herself. Certainly, it would make her a more suitable friend for Remus. It simply wouldn't do for this weirdo to turn one of his best mates into a queer too. James thought of Lily as an old house that desperately needed a renovation. He felt self-righteous because he and he alone knew how to give this to her.

At eleven, James figured everyone needed to be exactly the same. The world was a place of carbon copies and that was why everything in life was always so flawless. If everyone was alike, everyone agreed. Controversy scared James. He pretended it didn't exist.

Projects were so logical.

Lily had no idea of James' resolution. She watched him in class and gave him sweeping sideways glances while her pencil still moved, still sketching in her many books. She had no way of knowing of his growing preoccupation and distrust of her personality. They'd never, in all their first year, said much more than three words to each other. Lily thought that it would always be that James was a boy to be watched from afar. She disapproved of his outspoken, narcissistic ways, but she was in no way concerned about his presence in her life. He was simply a person she observed often because of their close proximity, and she was content to let him float on by in the stream that she referred to as time. Lily was clever enough to grasp a concept most eleven year olds never even think of; she realized that time did indeed pass, and that someday, her education at Hogwarts would be a thing of the past, as would James Potter.

To Lily, things were temporary. She liked them very much that way.

Two people, both very different in all respects, were slowly being drawn together. James was attracted to improving Lily as he saw fit--Lily was interested in James' voice and his gumption. Though neither actively realized it, these things would come to bind them in an unusual and yet a totally unbreakable way.

Had you asked either of them what they thought of this, they would have told you in tones incredibly similar for two people supposedly so distinctly different, that it was the pits.

Time past and both were aware of each other as it did, James perhaps more so of Lily than Lily was of James. The night before their third year at Hogwarts, they similarly lay down peacefully for the last time that summer in their own beds. They murmured prayers--the same prayer--

_As I lay me down to sleep_  
I pray the Lord my soul to keep  
And if I should die before I wake  
I pray the Lord my soul to take  
God bless, Amen 

\--and closed their eyes, strangely, at the same time. They slept peacefully, unknowingly, of the changes that lay before them.

They were left to sleep sincerely, for that would be the last night either of them would remember as truly peaceful for years to come.

It had begun.

  
&&&&&

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything Harry Potter related. That belongs to JK Rowling and WB Entertainment. I do own the plot, so please don't steal it. If you want to sue me, don't. Thanks.

 **Author's Note:** This was basically a prologue. It was a short, short, short beginning to a story that will undoubtedly become as long as Deconstruct. I wanted to premiere it before I go back to Deconstructland, so here you are. Reviews are always appreciated!


	2. James Potter's Plot

**The Preferable Maiden Fair**

_By Solarism_

Chapter Two–James Potter’s Plot

&&&&&

“She’s an odd one and I don’t deny it,”� Sirius Black said with an amused glance down the Gryffindor table. “Look at her eat. She eats funny, doesn’t she Jamie?”�

James Potter set his fork down carefully on his plate and bent forward to see down the table too. Six seats to the left sat Lily Evans, the topic of their conversation. She was squishing her peas into her mashed potatoes and swamping miniscule carrot boats with torrents of gravy. She did it with her fingers and smiled down at her plate in a way that reminded James of God staring down at all of his earthly children. The boys wrinkled their noses in distaste.

“That,”� Sirius said eloquently, “is so gross, man.”�

Lily failed to notice that the ends of her red hair were getting sticky as they fell onto her plate every now and then and got swished around in the brown gravy ocean. Sirius watched as she finally picked up her hair and licked it clean. He let out a little snort of admiration as she did.

“She’s disgusting,”� said James. “She eats like a pig. Didn’t her mother ever teach her any table manners?”�

“I don’t think so,”� Sirius grinned. Sirius loved pointing out other people’s bad points and loved agreeing with his best friend James. This, he figured, was a golden opportunity for fun. Sending James a sly look across the table, he ventured further, “I dare you to ask her why she eats that way.”�

“It can hardly be considered eating,”� James said, feeling very much superior to the sloppy redheaded girl. “I bet she slurps too. I hate slurping noises.”�

“Yes. Everyone knows how badly you hate slurps Jamie. You correct us for breathing too loudly sometimes too. And Heaven forbid someone sip their water too loudly, because we all know _that_ drives you crazy too.”�

James shot Sirius an annoyed look. “So what? I hate mouth noises. What’s your point?”�

“I don’t have a point. Do I ever? But you’re probably right,”� shrugged the tall, gray-eyed boy. “She probably does slurp.”�

“Thank you,”� James said with a roll of his brown eyes. James’ eyes reminded Sirius of a deer; tan and speckled with something darker, like a part of a rump. Most people considered Sirius’ eyes to be far more remarkable than James’, but James’ had a certain faithful quality to them that Sirius was quite fond of. James was Sirius’ best mate after all, and it was Sirius’ duty as such to make note of these kinds of things. Any physical attributes of _anyone_ that could be compared to a deer’s rump were worth noting to begin with, in Sirius’ humble opinion.

Sirius opened up his mouth to say something degrading about Lily again when the chair to his right suddenly became occupied. Remus Lupin, a dear friend to both James and Sirius and yet a strangely avid supporter of Lily’s weirdness, plopped himself into position and reached immediately for the last of the croissants.

“Hello mates,”� said Remus. “What are we talking about?”�

James leaned in across the table intimately, and motioned for Remus to come closer. Remus, obliging fellow that he was, leaned forward as well so that James could whisper in his ear.

“Do you,”� James said quietly, “lick gravy off your hair too?”�

“Excuse me?”� Remus blinked, pulling back and taking a large bite of his croissant.

Sirius erupted into a fit of snorts and giggles, oblivious to the fact many heads in the Great Hall swiveled his way. Sirius was the kind of boy who was used to being in the spotlight–so used to it, in fact, that he didn’t even notice it anymore. James was also usually in the spotlight, but less for his silliness and more for his unfathomable athletic ability. He had joined the Gryffindor Quidditch team in his second year, an age considered to be extremely young for the sport, but had already helped lead the team to success with his brilliant skills as a chaser. James coughed appreciatively into his hand as the befuddled Remus chewed his croissant.

Remus, on the other hand, didn’t have much of the spotlight at all. This neither bothered nor pleased him. He wasn’t a wallflower but he felt that he was far above needing attention from the rest of the school in order to function properly. He quite liked just being an Average Joe. Remus was content to exist simply, kindly, and with compassion. He needed little else than what he already had. Remus, like Lily, was shrewd.

The three boys looked at each other, happy, and all thought of the strange Lily girl was forgotten. When these three were together, nothing else mattered in the whole world. They were bound together by a special kind of friendship that made them hold each other very close to their respective hearts. Their other friend, Peter Pettigrew, who was busy making up a Transfiguration assignment, would have been sad to miss the moment of perfection that the three boys experienced right then. It was something, decidedly, to remember.

&&&&&

Lily the slob sat preening herself in front of the bathroom mirror. She put her hair up in a pony tail and then took it down again, dissatisfied with what she saw, and then put it up again at a slightly different angle. Leaning far over the sink so that her bosom would be reflected a little in the shiny glass, she examined her face for traces of ugliness. Lily was not vain. She was curious.

James Potter and Sirius Black spoke without much heed to volume, especially while at the dinner table when the whole Great Hall was filled to the brim with noise already. Lily, like most of the Gryffindor table, had been well aware of their conversation. They had been talking about her. Sirius, the tall, gawky one, had called her _gross_. She found nothing wrong with her eating habits and did not find herself to be in any way disgusting. She was human, and therefore imperfect. So was everyone. Her eating habits got the job done, and at least she did eat–it was better than being anorexic or being too poor to afford food. The boys ate as well, after all, and none too cleanly either. Lily had made it a point to watch the crumbs from their croissants get flung out across the table as they laughed. Silly creatures, and what hypocrisy!

Eating, when Lily thought about it, seemed always to be a very messy affair. This was excusable. It was near impossible to look elegant while eating, and surely everyone else but James and Sirius knew this. Still, their comments had made Lily take notice of herself more than usual. She looked at her face now, examining her pale cheeks and lofty eyes, and wondered if part of her being gross was the way she looked. Beauty was relative but was she the type of human that most people would consider unattractive?

“Hmmm,”� frowned the redhead. “This is silly. Who gives a damn what I look like? Bodies are shells. It’s the soul that counts.”�

She touched her eyebrows and her temples and turned to see her profile. She didn’t find anything about herself disgusting. Certainly she was not as beautiful as the girls who wore make up (although she did wear her smudged eyeliner with pride) and who did their hair up eloquently, but that was okay to her. She was simple and plain and that was just who she was. Her curiosity was deadened–no, her looks weren’t abominable–so she he pulled off her jeans and tossed them in the bathroom sink. All the girls in the 3rd year Gryffindor dorm did this. They’d done it since the 1st year and would probably continue to do it until they graduated from Hogwarts. Jeans, when taken off late at night, went in the sink farthest from the door. As a rule no one ever used that tap. It was destined to be forever barren.

In her underwear, baby pink, and her pale green top, she walked quietly out of the bathroom and shut the door behind her. Lily the girl getting ready for bed was much different from the Lily who had been eating dinner two hours past in the Great Hall. Out of her heavy school robes and with a face freshly washed, she looked almost pretty. This is what Remus Lupin saw of her every day. He saw the inner pleasantness. He saw the soft, blurred edges and loved them best of all.

Lily climbed into her particular four-poster carefully, not desiring to wake the two girls who were already asleep a few feet away on either side of her, and settled back into the coolness of her sheets. Lily loved her bed very much. It was very different than all the hard wooden chairs around the school, or the stiff arm chairs in the common room. Her bed was soft and comforting like a mother’s warm embrace. Shutting her eyes, Lily thought of her own mother.

How she missed her…

&&&&&

“Don’t you think she has potential, though? If someone cleaned her up and gave her some better clothes and we got a girl to put some more make up on her, especially around the lips, couldn’t she be passable? If she was taught some manners and if she had her sketch books taken away for awhile so she would have to concentrate on the world around her, she could be more than passable. Do you agree?”� James Potter asked, polishing his broomstick’s handle with meticulousness.

“You’ve been harping on this since first year, Jamie,”� Sirius said, amused. “If you care so much, why don’t you have it done?”�

“I think it’s stupid. Lily is fine as she is and you shouldn’t go around thinking you have the right to change people when you don’t. Don’t play God, James. I don’t think this girl would appreciate it,”� said Remus with a frown.

“James isn’t playing God,”� said Peter, frowning too. “He likes her is all.”�

“I do _not_ like her,”� said James, glaring at Peter. “She’s messy and she speaks like a sailor. I think awful things about her. I bet she even has lice.”�

“She does not have lice,”� interjected Remus, agitated. “Why do you care about her so much? You claim to hate her and find yourself to be so high above her, but you spend most of your time thinking about her and even more of your time talking about her. I don’t get you sometimes.”�

“I think what Remus is trying to say, James–”� Peter opened his mouth wide, eager to jump in.

“Shut up about what I’m trying to say,”� Remus said. “He already knows he should lay off. He knows when he does this it upsets me.”�

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Peter, Remus, this isn’t a big deal. Jamie knows. Don’t you Jamie?”�

“I know,”� James said, and put more polish on the broomstick. “I’m sorry for offending you Remus. You know I don’t mean things the way they come out. She’s on my mind for some reason. I notice her in class more and more. She’s the only one that doesn’t fit in.”�

“She’s the soggy puzzle piece in James’ jigsaw,”� Sirius grinned.

“Eloquent,”� Remus said, rolling his eyes at Sirius.

“Thank you,”� Sirius nodded. “I’ll be here all night.”�

“I think she’s pretty,”� Peter piped up again. “I think her hair is a good color. It’s unusual. There aren’t any other redheads in our year. She’s got nice eyes too.”�

“Her body needs some work though,”� Sirius shrugged.

“Her body’s fine,”� Remus sighed. “She’s well-built.”�

“She needs to stand up straight,”� James put in.

“Let’s stop talking about this,”� Remus said.

“Why do you always defend her? You always have good things to say about her and you’re just about the only one. What do you know that I don’t?”� James asked, looking up from his broom with a faint smile on his face. “When Remus gets attached to someone it’s bound to be more complicated than a pretty face. What is it, Remus? Is she a stunning conversationalist? An amazing kisser? What’s the secret?”�

“I’ve never kissed her so I wouldn’t know,”� Remus said shortly.

“Come now,”� Sirius grinned, sticking his face quite near Remus’. “There’s something about that girl that’s special. What is it?”�

“She’s just _different_ is all. You already know that,”� shrugged the sandy-haired boy. He looked at James, Sirius, and Peter and saw that they needed an explanation. “It’s what James is so bothered about. Everything you can’t stand about her I think is nice. She’s not that bad of a girl. She’s original.”�

“Original,”� snorted James.

“You like her,”� said Peter, putting his face close to Remus’ too. Sirius proceeded to make kissy faces, so Peter followed suit. Disgusted, Remus rolled away and onto the floor. He went over to sit on James’ bed.

“Just don’t try to change her James. She’s not someone that needs it or wants it,”� said Remus softly. “There’s a kind of purity in her that you shouldn’t touch.”�

“I’ll leave her alone if it really means that much to you,”� promised James with a shrug. “I still don’t understand what you’re talking about, but you’ve got me convinced to at least leave her alone for the time being. Besides, we all know Evans. No one’s going to change her in the slightest without her putting up a big fight.”�

“She’s a pacifist,”� muttered Remus.

Sirius grinned, “Lily Evans the pacifist. Beautiful.”�

&&&&&

“Can anyone tell me why the Treaty of 1864 was relevant to the rebellion of the sprites in 1901?”� asked Professor Binns, the History of Magic instructor, as he leaned tiredly over his podium. Overachieving students across the classroom looked up quickly from their complex note-taking to shake their heads, while the rest of the class simply kept on writing. The only hand up in the class was James Potter’s, as usual. “Yes, Mr. Potter?”�

“The Treaty of 1864 was relevant to the rebellion of the sprites in 1901 because the sprites felt that the dragons had broken the treaty, and used it as an excuse to lock some of the dragon cases up in court. The dragons took offence to this and it eventually escalated into an environment of extreme distrust and hatred. The sprites, citing the Treaty of 1864 yet again, stole a dragon egg from one of the golden dragon nests, and this was used as an excuse for a full out rebellion.”�

James always used complete sentences. He was like a textbook. Lily, the only one in the class not interested in taking notes or listening to James yap, continued to draw. She was drawing two pixies kissing amid a shower of flower petals. To her, it symbolized the perfect summer wedding. Lily missed the summer already.

“Thank you Mr. Potter,”� droned Professor Binns. He turned to the chalkboard and began writing an outline of notes that the students needed to take down. Lily put the finishing flourishes on the pixie woman’s hair and let her eyes drift slightly towards James.

Sirius was jabbing the back of James’ neck with his wand and sniggering. James took out his wand under his desk, waved it with a smirk on his face, and grinned as Sirius’ wand darted under the desk as well. Sirius looked sad. He settled back into his chair for a good pout.

James, shaking his head at his friend’s boredom, continued taking notes. He was very adept at being the perfect student, but still managed to find time to work a little magic under the table at the same time. _How corny_ , he thought as he remembered the wands under his desk, _literally under the table_.

Lily, although she hadn’t heard James’ thought, rolled her eyes back to her drawing and made sure the pixie man had an ugly face. It was going to be a long class period.

&&&&&

“Hi, Lily,”� said James with a wide, awkward-looking grin on his face.

“Hello?”� Lily looked up, her green eyes shrouded with lots of smoky black eyeliner and shadow. She looked intimidating, and James’ smile turned into a firmly set line of determination. He plowed on into the conversation, drowning out Remus’ rebuffs echoing throughout his head, and ignored the pointed part of Lily’s chin. She looked too angled for comfort.

“I’m James Potter. I’ve been in the same house as you for three years now. I realized today we haven’t spoken much.”�

“Actually, I don’t think we’ve ever spoken at all,”� said Lily, but not unpleasantly. She pushed aside her sketch book–James shot it a look of suspicion, but she’d somehow closed the cover while he’d been temporarily distracted by her eyes–and motioned for him to sit down across from her. He obliged, running his hands over his pant legs as he did so to smooth out any offending wrinkles. Lily watched him with polite curiosity.

“But we’ve had the same classes and the same common room, obviously,”� said James, casting a look around him warily. Their position in the Gryffindor common room was precarious. At any moment, Remus could walk in and break up what James was determined to do. He would have to capture her interest quickly. “You seem like a nice, artistic girl. I’ve seen you in class. You didn’t take any notes today in History of Magic.”�

“You’re right,”� said Lily, a little confused, “I didn’t. I was working on a very important piece of art and couldn’t be bothered. I must admit I don’t find that the class captures my attention very much.”�

“That’s a shame,”� James said, highly doubting her piece of art had been important. What was more important than note-taking? “Luckily, I happen to be a very precise note-taker. If you ever want to borrow mine to copy down, you’re more than welcome to them. I also make great test study guides.”�

“Ah, how studious,”� said Lily with a worried smile. Why was this boy talking at her? Where was his point? No one talked to her besides Remus Lupin, so this seemed very strange and out of the ordinary.

“I could get them for you now if you want.”�

“Oh, that’s okay,”� she shrugged, her eyes floating to her sketch book. “I don’t think I need them.”�

“Oh, are you one of those types who can listen and memorize everything through that method? That’s very admirable.”�

“No, I just wasn’t paying attention. I’m pretty sure I’m not one of those types anyway, but no, I was just really focused on my drawing. It was pretty important. I felt it took priority over Professor Binns.”�

“But, then, don’t you want the notes?”� James asked, shocked and displeased with the fact she didn’t seem to have an urge to learn.

“Thank you, but no,”� said Lily with a pleasant smile. Her tone implied the conversation should end or at least change to a different subject. Bewildered, James was more than happy to comply with the latter.

“So, do you have a favorite color?”� he spat out after a pause, at a loss for anything else to say to the strange girl sitting so comfortably in front of him.

Her eyes widened at his random question for a moment, but then they drifted skywards and she got a dreamy look on her face. “A deep, rich shade of gold,”� she answered, “because it reminds me of my mother and of sunshine.”�

“Of your mother?”� James raised his eyebrows. She was a weird one, this Lily.

“If she happened to have been born a color instead of a person, my mother would most definitely be a deep, rich shade of gold. She would be slightly transparent and misty too, with hidden undertones of glitter and a high sense of mystery. She’s foggy and pleasant and a lot like sunshine itself, really.”�

_Artists_ , thought James with an inner groan.

&&&&&

“I think I should hate you for this,”� said Remus slowly, a crease growing steadily deeper between his eyebrows as his frown lengthened.

“For reaching out to the less fortunate and giving them a hand up? That’s hardly a reason to hate someone, Remus,”� Sirius said, sticking up for James as he was always prone to do. Remus rolled his eyes and was about to open his mouth and say that Lily wasn’t less fortunate in any way, shape or form, when surprisingly, James did it for him.

“She’s not less fortunate, Sirius. She’s just different like Remus said. But no, mate, you shouldn’t hate me for this,”� James said with a grin.

“I’m pretty damn sure this is venturing into the territory of things I can hate you for, James,”� Remus said and began to slowly massage his temples. When Remus massaged his temples, it meant he was worried. James saw this and knew, instantly, where he had the advantage.

“I wasn’t going to mention this to you,”� James said slyly, “but I’m doing this for you, mate. I’m doing it so that you can get a date with her! Sure, when the next Hogsmeade weekend rolls around, she’ll go with you for sure. She’ll be all over you, mate, I swear it!”�

“How,”� Remus said, never one to be easily fooled, “does any of this foolishness have anything to do with me wanting to get a date with Lily?”�

“You’ll see,”� Sirius jumped in, taking James’ cue. “Just you wait and see.”�

“You’re going to be so proud of me, Remus. Just you wait, just you wait,”� said James, with a glint of passion in his eye.

With a sigh, Remus looked at two of his best friends and saw that at least for now, he would have to let them win. He put his head in his hands and said a silent prayer that they wouldn’t screw things up for him too badly. He also hoped that Lily was resilient enough to recover from whatever damage James was planning. He quite liked her, truth be told, just as she was to begin with.

&&&&&

_“Lily, listen to me,”� James whispered desperately. “Listen to me, please. Take Harry and go back home. Stay in the house and don’t come out until the Order sends word that it’s safe. I’ll join you as soon as I can if you’ll only leave now...”�_

_“I won’t leave you James,”� Lily said firmly. She held her newborn close to her chest and looked at her husband indignantly. “We were never meant to be separated. You can’t just send me home. If you go down, I go down with you.”�_

_“We have a child now. It’s different, Lily. Don’t you see? Who will take care of Harry if… well, if the both of us die this time?”� James sighed, giving Lily a look of the most profound love and sorrow she’d ever seen on his handsome face, even after so many years of trials and tribulations._

_“This baby is ours. It’s no good if he loses a dad and keeps a mum, which is what will happen if I leave you here alone. You’re not that strong James. You aren’t immortal.”�_

_“Well, I should be,”� James said quietly, passionately, as he looked at his firstborn son sleeping peacefully against Lily’s breast. The little boy’s head looked so tiny, so fragile, so small… “Stay then, if I can’t convince you to leave. But I beg of you, give the boy to Sirius. Tell him to take Harry to Godric’s Hollow and wait. Allow no one in. Allow no one out. Pray him be fast about it because our son’s life depends on his speed. Sirius is Harry’s godfather. He’ll know what to do.”�_

_Lily nodded her head solemnly, and kissed her sleeping baby’s head with all the compassion she had inside of her. She wondered faintly if it would be the last time she ever saw her little boy. She and James had battled the Dark Lord twice before and had escaped with their lives, but James was right. It was different now. Now they had a son._

&&&&&

James watched Lily with suspicion as she stooped to pick up some rocks for the fifth time on their walk around the lake. Her silky red hair fell down around her shoulders every time she bent over. James couldn’t imagine how girls got their hair so soft and shiny, but he wished he knew their trick. His own hair was unruly and looked like it had a bad case of static electricity. He watched as her hair fell back perfectly in place as she stood up, now with a new treasure for her pocket, and marveled as she dropped the plain gray stone into her robes. Today, her hair had no trace of the frizz he had grown accustomed to hating.

“Why do you pick those things up? Rocks are for babies,”� he said, not realizing the sneer he wore in his voice.

Lily paid him no heed. She continued walking and acted as though he’d never spoken at all. With a roll of his eyes, James continued walking with the weird girl of Gryffindor and wondered why he’d thought of this stupid idea in the first place. He’d never been a terrific liar and telling Lily his friends had deserted him was growing more and more silly sounding inside of his mind all the time.

Why had he wanted to get to know her anyway? His reasons now seemed few and very far away. He hadn’t known spending time with Lily would be so boring and strange. James lived for thrills. In his highly organized, pretentious way, his only relief from himself was the occasional thrill he’d get to experience. Spending time pranking on people with his friends or playing Quidditch always supplied him with distractions from his inner perfectionist. With Lily, everything was amazingly simple. This drove him crazy. James had already started to hate her with a passion, and this was only Day One.

Why, oh why, had he been so stupid?

“There’s something beautiful in picking up rocks. I put some of myself in them when I hold them and carry them around in my pockets. Then I leave them places other than where they came from. Weird places, like under my desk in Transfiguration, or in the Potions cupboards, or in suits of armor,”� Lily said suddenly. James perked up, surprised she’d actually given him an explanation, and realized that she’d only taken so long to answer because she was trying to think out a good enough response. The idea that she was trying to be good enough to meet his standards pleased him. James Potter had a rather large ego.

“In suits of armor?”� he asked curiously.

“Well, why not?”� Lily said, turning her head to smile at him as they walked. She smiled at him like they were the best of friends and always had been.

James suppressed a shudder.

&&&&&

“The first thing I need to do away with is that ungodly way she has of eating. If I’m to keep spending time with her, that has to go. I thought it was bad sitting at the same table while she ate, but imagine how bad it is now that I sit right next to her!”� James said, casting his eyes around the room for some sympathy.

“You’re being a bit of a prick, James,”� Sirius grinned. “She doesn’t eat that badly.”�

“She does too,”� retorted James, a little indignantly. Sirius was supposed to be the one that supported him.

“I just never knew a style of eating could be ‘ungodly’,”� Sirius said playfully.

“How is eating against religion in the first place?”� Remus added.

“Oh, never mind to you two,”� James snapped, hugging onto himself. “I’m going to turn her into something beautiful. When I’m done with her, she’s going to be amazing. Just you wait and see, and try to prove me wrong. Lily Evans won’t know what hit her.”�

“Maybe not,”� Remus said doubtfully, “but beware, that girl hits back.”�


	3. A Blossoming Charade

**The Preferable Maiden Fair**

_By Solarism_

Chapter Three—A Blossoming Charade

 

&&&&&

 

James Potter’s eye twitched as he watched Lily Evans move about the common room. He didn’t know what to make of her. It had been three weeks—three _weeks_ —since he’d set his plans in motion, and all that he had succeeded in doing was annoying himself beyond repair.

The other Marauders had begun to believe that the eye twitch was becoming something of a permanent thing. It only occurred when James looked after Lily and quickly went away once he mastered his temper again, but still, it was there, and Sirius had taken notice of it. Sirius was fond of teasing James about it, while Remus pointed out that it was a sign that James was only giving himself ulcers.

There was no noticeable change in Lily to date.

James watched as she walked around, nearly aimlessly, brushing her fingertips all over the polished marble fireplace mantle and on the freshly dusted coffee tables. He watched as she took one her beloved stones from her pocket and tucked it neatly behind a couch pillow.

“Hmmm,” she said, and moved away.

“The house elves are just going to clean that up,” James told her, feeling somewhat irritable. He wasn’t even sure why he was in a bad mood. He just was, and he felt like making her be in a bad mood too. He had never seen her angry.

“Mm?” Lily asked dreamily, her floaty eyes roving not to him, but over him. She looked mystified by something, as if a gorilla were hanging above his head, but then continued moving away, anyway, as though he’d never said anything to her at all. She was looking for new things to touch.

James clenched his jaws. “Come back here,” he said, but half-heartedly, as though he really wished he could run out of the common room just to get away from her. She _dirtied_ things. The perfectionist in thirteen-year-old James did not like this messy, crazy girl at all. Not for the first time, he questioned himself.

Why had he ever started this stupid game in the first place? For that was what it was to him—simply a game.

Lily ignored him, and this, if anything, frustrated him more.

But, a Potter does not give up so easily. James’ family line was filled with wizards made of exceptionally strong stuff, and he was no exception to the his family’s streak of determination. For that matter, it might be said that he was no exception to the Potter family’s streak of stubbornness, either.

James scratched his nose, sunk back deeply into his chair, and got a grip on himself. He closed his eyes and wondered if he should try counting to ten.

“Steady, old chap,” he whispered to himself, letting out a deep breath. “She’s just a silly girl.”

“Am I really?” came Lily’s voice, frighteningly close. James jumped and opened his eyes to see the redhead standing at his side, staring down at him with demure concentration. “I’ve been called silly before, but I didn’t think that _you_ thought I was. What is silly, anyway? I suppose I could be offended, but that takes effort, and I really don’t like becoming offended, because perhaps you didn’t mean silly in a bad way. Even if you did mean it in a bad way, it might be true. No use being offended over that, I think.”

“Er,” said James, his ears turning a little pink.

“You’re either blushing or turning into a tomato,” Lily informed him, but not unkindly. She reached down and touched his ear with the back of her hand. She didn’t smile, but her eyes were sympathetic, like a mother at the bedside of a sick child.

“Let’s hope it’s the latter,” James said, a bit unnerved that her hand was so near his face.

She pulled back with a casualness that also unnerved him and twirled about like a fairy, completely without warning, on the spot. “If I were a fruit, I would be a plum. I just like the way it sounds. Wouldn’t it be delicious? I believe I would eat myself.”

James got up out of his chair.

“You know, we could go do something more fun than hanging around the common room. It’s hot in here anyway,” he said.

Lily eyed him without saying a word.

“What?” he frowned.

“James, where are Sirius, Remus, and Peter? I mean, really.”

James blinked. He wasn’t a very good liar. “I told you already. They keep ditching me.”

“You never explained why,” she said, surprisingly direct. “Even if you did explain it, I know that your friends wouldn’t ditch you. It’s a very ill-conceived excuse. I think that you’re pulling my leg about something, but I haven’t figured out why yet. Would you like to talk about why you’re lying? That might be exciting.”

There was no bitterness in her voice, and a simple smile was on her lips.

James stared.

“I’m not as stupid as you must think I am,” shrugged Lily. She carefully climbed over a coffee table—though it would have been much easier to simply walk around it—and sat lightly on one of the many firm common room couches. “Come,” she said. “I want to talk before we go anywhere else.” She patted the cushion next to her.

James, for the first time, obeyed Lily without question.

She waited patiently for him to start.

“Er,” he said.

“And don’t answer in full sentences,” Lily commanded.

Even through his embarrassment, James managed to give her an annoyed look.

“Look,” he said, “the truth is…” James looked to the ceiling as if begging God for an answer. He couldn’t tell her the real truth, that he had plans to change her. Damn her for being so perceptive, anyway.

“Yes?” Lily asked, her eyes already floating away around the room, as if she was already bored with the conversation.

“The truth is,” James blurted out, “that Remus likes you quite a lot, and he asked me to spend some time with you to scout out whether or not he had a chance.”

James’ eye twitched.

Lily frowned. “I like him quite a bit too, but he knows that.”

James pressed on. “No, no, no. He likes you. As in he’d like to kiss you. Really, he’s been head over heels for the longest time. And I know he’s usually so nice and calm, but the truth is, he’s absolutely petrified of saying anything.”

“Is that true?” Lily asked, looking concerned.

“Of course,” James smiled, trying to pull it off smoothly. It wasn’t really a lie, per se. Remus really did like Lily. It just wasn’t exactly the reason that he was hanging around her so much.

“So, you’re hanging around with me, not because you see any good qualities in me or even because you particularly like me very much, but because Remus Lupin asked you to ‘scout me out’,” Lily said, to clarify.

James tried hard to keep himself from wincing. “Yes, yes. I think so.”

“Well,” Lily murmured. “Well…”

“And,” threw in James quickly, “it would be nice if you went with him on the first Hogsmeade weekend. He’s too shy, as I said, to ask, of course. But you should go with him. Mind you, don’t say anything about him liking you, or else it’ll all be for naught.”

“You want me to go with him to Hogsmeade,” Lily repeated.

“Yes,” nodded James.

“Because he likes me, even though he won’t tell me he likes me,” Lily said.

“Right,” said James.

“And you swear that this is all true?”

“Well,” blinked James, “yes.”

She was quiet for a second. “Fine, then. Okay. Tell Remus that I’ll go with him to Hogsmeade, this weekend, if he’d like me to.”

James smiled. It’d actually worked.

“Great!” he said. “Great.”

“Yeah, really.”

James immediately recognized another one of those incredibly golden opportunities, and marveled at his own cleverness. If he wasn’t such a Potter, he thought, he would’ve done extremely well as a Slytherin.

Banish the thought! He quickly shook his head and gained a little composure.

“Say, Lily. Would you like some help getting ready for this date of yours?”

Lily got up and wandered to the common room exit. James, perplexed, got up and followed her. Silently, she pressed the portrait open and hopped out, landing and then scratching her head ineloquently. James couldn’t help but notice that her hair frizz was particularly bad that day.

He hopped out after her. “Lily?”

“I have some sketching that I’m going to go do in the library. You can come if you want,” she said, simply.

“But, don’t you want help getting ready for your date?” James persisted.

“What do you mean by help getting ready?”

“Well, I don’t know. Someone to do your hair, maybe a new outfit, something flashy and nice, you know? Some new make up, maybe.”

“Is there something wrong with me, or something?”

“Er, no,” James shrugged. “I just thought it might be nice—”

“Oh,” said Lily. “You do hair? I’ve never met a boy that could do hair and make up, and I’ve certainly never met one that could pick out a good outfit.”

She looked at him with her eyebrows raised as if daring him to lie to her some more. James swallowed hard. He needed something drastic to pull this whole thing off. He could tell that she didn’t really believe all that he’d been telling her, and no wonder, he thought inwardly. He really was a horrible liar. His lies never made complete sense.

“Well, you see…”

“Yes?” asked Lily, her large eyes unreadable.

“I’m gay,” James spat out.

_What? I’m not really gay… What did I just say that for?_

“You’re homosexual?” Lily asked.

“Yes,” said James. He forced a laugh. “That’s me. I’m really homosexual. I… I am. That’s the truth.”

“Really,” said Lily.

“Yes?” said James, only it came out as more of a question. He knew that he’d messed up royally. It was now completely clear that he was lying to her, and he knew that she’d probably never speak to him again. His conquest appeared lost.

But then, Lily smiled.

Before James knew what was happening, Lily had thrown herself about his neck and was squeezing him close to her. His eyes went wide.

“Oh!” she laughed. “Why didn’t you tell me before? I understand you quite a lot better now, I must say. Are you, you know, out of the closet yet, then?”

“Uh, no,” James spluttered, disgusted that she was touching him. He wished fervently that she would let him go. He didn’t like being hugged, especially not by Lily. There were a lot of girls at school that he definitely wouldn’t mind being pressed against, as he was indeed in the throes of puberty, but Lily Evans was most certainly not one of them.

Her hair smelled good, though. Like a bowl of oranges.

She let go of him, looked him over with those big, artistic eyes, and sighed a little sigh that sounded a lot like relief. “I’d like your help, I think. That would be nice. Thank you.”

“Sure,” said James. “Anything… for a friend,” he choked out at the last second.

Lily beamed.

She began to hum, and without a glance backward, set off with a spring in her step toward what James supposed must be the library. She disappeared around the corner soon enough, but James could still hear her humming. She was an absolutely atrocious hummer.

With a sigh, he pressed himself up against a wall, and slowly banged his forehead to it.

This had gone all wrong.

&&&&&

“You told her _what_?” snorted Sirius through his laughter. He slapped his knee and laughed ferociously, nearly maniacal, until James thought he must certainly die any second from lack of oxygen.

“I told her,” James told Sirius calmly, “that I’m a homosexual.”

“You told her that you’re gay!” Sirius screeched. “AHAHAHA. GAY. Jamie’s GAY. Hahahhaa.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay,” James snapped. “Even though, you must certainly realize, I’m not.”

Sirius laughed even harder. “I never said there was anything wrong with it,” he choked out, gasping for air. “I never—I never—AHHAHAHA—it’s too funny, no, no—really—”

“Sirius,” James said, evenly, “this is for the greater good. She wasn’t believing me… nothing doing with the Remus card whatsoever. She was _leaving_. I had to prevent her from thinking me a piece of lying scum, didn’t I? Gay was the first thing that popped to mind, so mind your business and don’t make fun.”

“But, James,” howled Sirius, “you _are_ a piece of—of—of—AHAHA—”

“Lying scum?” James supplied gloomily.

Sirius finished his laughter and tried to calm himself down. He attempted a straight face. “So,” he said, suppressing a giggle. “At least this way she’ll let you do her hair and nails, right? I’m sure you two will have a brilliant time together, Jamie. You’ll get all girly and maybe she’ll even let you borrow her perfume!”

“Lily Evans doesn’t even own perfume,” James sniffed disdainfully. “I’ll have to buy her some.”

“Where are you getting all of this crap, anyway?” Sirius asked.

“What crap?”

“The hair curlers, the hot irons, the plastic surgeon she’ll need to give her a little oomph—”

“Amen to that,” James rolled his eyes.

“Oh wait,” Sirius couldn’t resist saying with a grin, “I forgot. You’re a _homosexual_ now. I bet you have all those things stowed right away in your trunk, eh, mate? AHAHHAHAHA.”

James clobbered Sirius with a pillow as hard as he could. Sirius flew backwards onto his bed, still laughing.

James waited a minute, bit his lip, and then continued on. “Actually, Sirius. I was wondering if you could help me with something. We’ve been best mates for so many years now and you always said that if I ever needed anything…”

“Eh?” Sirius grinned. “That’s right, James. Best mates forever, even with your new found, uh, sexuality. What can I do you for? Pun definitely intended.”

“I need you to come with me to Hogsmeade to pick out all the, you know, all the crap. The curlers and stuff. I mean, you have a lot of girl cousins. You know what kind of things… you know…”

“The kinds of things that girls like?” Sirius laughed, but good-naturedly this time.

“Right. Those things,” James nodded.

“Well, I suppose, if you’re really that desperately in need of my talents,” shrugged the gray-eyed boy. “When are we going? Taking the cloak I presume.”

“The cloak, yes. How else? We need the stuff before the Hogsmeade weekend. We could go tomorrow night after lights out. Should be easy, provided you can be quiet this time.”

“I’m _always_ stealthy, James,” Sirius scoffed, sounding slightly offended.

“Yeah. Like last time, when you kept poking ’round that old witches rump, and when you finally succeeded in opening it, you screamed like a little girl as you fell through….” James smirked, the little rebel in him coming out at last.

“I did not scream like a little girl,” Sirius said, quite indignant. “But God, at least I managed to open it. That was more than you or Peter or Remus could do, wasn’t it?”

“That’s true,” admitted James. “I found the first passage though. _And_ I’m the one that figured it all out about Remus. So, actually, I think I’m a bit ahead. Truth is, I have a suspicion that that one mirror we were looking at last week is a passage too… of course, I can’t be sure yet, but…”

Sirius sat up. “Shall we go investigate, then?”

“Wait for Remus and Peter,” James shrugged.

Sirius slapped his hands together. “Excellent. You know, one of these days, we really must start writing down all this knowledge we’re accumulating. What we need, I say, is a map.”

“A map?” James laughed. “Right, mate, so that just _anyone_ could pick it up when Peter drops it and know all our secrets.”

“How very unfair of you James,” Sirius sniffed.

James grinned and shook his head.

“Stupid pseudo-homosexuals,” Sirius muttered.

&&&&&

_Lily was making pie. She hummed lightly to herself, an old hymn her mother had taught her when she was a little girl, and smiled as she worked. Lily loved to bake very much._

_James came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her pregnant belly, pressing his laughing face into her shoulder. “Hello, my dear,” he said, though his voice was somewhat muffled by her dress._

_Lily let out a peal of surprised laughter, whirling around and giving him a great big kiss._

_“Hello, love,” she said, her green eyes sparkling._

_“I’ve missed you,” said James._

_“I’ve missed you too,” Lily grinned. “Oh!” she put her hand to her enlarged stomach. “And so has the baby, apparently.”_

_“Do we know yet? Boy or girl? Have the results arrived…?”_

_“We know,” Lily said proudly. She was practically beaming._

_“Well?” James asked, his whole face glowing with excitement._

_“Get ready for this,” said Lily. “It’s a boy!”_

_“A boy!” James shouted. He burst into laughter and planted a passionate kiss on his young wife’s lips, pressing her back into the counter where the pie dough sat, long forgotten._

_At that moment, Lily and James Potter were the happiest couple alive._

&&&&&

James and Sirius walked together, talking in low voices, down the main street of Hogsmeade. Only the seedier looking shops appeared to be open so late in the evening, but the boys were determined to find a decent looking venue that could sell them some beauty products. Sirius was armed with his knowledge of girl’s things and James was extremely determined to return to Hogwarts castle with enough stuff to make Lily the epitome of a walking dream.

After making a few sharp turns and nearly losing themselves in the much less traveled part of the village, Sirius finally kicked a pebble in frustration.

“I really don’t think we’re getting anywhere,” he said. “We don’t know Hogsmeade very well yet, you stupid old bugger. Didn’t your common sense tell you that even we, the infamous Marauders, might run into a _speck_ of trouble wandering around this stupid city at midnight? Nevermind that my common sense didn’t speak up either, that’s not the point. We really have to start making more trips here… I’ve always said that we should but no one ever really listens.”

James wasn’t paying attention.

“Sirius,” he said, “look over there, across the street. Madame Zullini’s Magical Beauty Supply.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

“The lights are on,” he whispered, as if they were in the presence of some sort of holy deity.

“Should we go in?” James whispered back.

“Is it… safe?” grimaced Sirius.

The boys stood and took in Madame Zullini’s Magical Beauty Supply from across the street. It looked grubby and old and the streetlight did not flatter it. It looked as though no one had swept its front entry way or cleaned its windows for many years.

To two thirteen-year-old boys, even to two that were as adventurous as James Potter and Sirius Black, it looked rather dubious.

“Well,” James said at last, “we should go in.”

With that, they resolutely walked across the street and into the shop. A little bell clanged as they entered and they were immediately accosted with dust. Sirius and James coughed in unison, brushing the dust away from their faces, and stepped farther into the room they had just entered.

It became clear that a tall, thin woman stood at a counter near the back. The boys were forced to pick their way over boxes to get to the counter, and James regretfully remembered that Lily would be very good at something like this, seeing as she regularly clambered over coffee tables. He was nowhere near as adept as she was, and neither was Sirius.

After stumbling and coughing their way over to the counter, James straightened himself up to his full height of 5 feet and 7 inches, and said, “Hello,” to the thin woman.

She stared blankly ahead, completely unaware of his existence.

Sirius frowned. “Hello, you there,” he tried.

No answer from the woman.

“Is she… dead?” Sirius whispered to James.

“Oh,” James said, looking down at the counter. There was a little bell with a sign in front of it that read ‘Ring for Service’. James rang.

Immediately the woman sprang to life. “I am Madame Zullini’s assistant, the great Imbria! How may I help you festering piles of… children?”

James and Sirius exchanged uneasy glances.

“Uh,” said James, “do you sell cosmetic supplies here?”

The woman sneered at them over her the tops of her glasses. “ _Do you sell cosmetic supplies here?_ ” she mimicked in an unflattering falsetto. “Yes, my little darlings, we do _sell cosmetic supplies here_. Does the great Imbria not look as though she is standing at a cosmetic counter? I have been here for a great many years, I can assure you!”

“Oh,” said Sirius. The boys blinked at her. She blinked back.

“Right then,” said James. He slapped five galleons down on the counter. “We need a list of items, then.”

“We do not sell cosmetic supplies for men,” the great Imbria said haughtily, as if the boys had suggested something thoroughly offensive.

“It’s not for us,” Sirius spat out, annoyed. “We need face powder, some liquid eyeliner, some gold and blue and green eye shadow… Well, aren’t you going to get something?”

The woman mumbled but began shifting around under the counter.

Sirius continued. “We also require mascara in dark brown, some kind of compact mirror, a lipstick that _isn’t_ tested on animals—”

James raised his eyebrows.

“They test on animals?”

“And if you have a hair dryer handy, in all this mess, we’ll take that too,” Sirius went on. “We’ll also be in need of a curling iron and maybe some foundation. Both the face powder and the foundation are for a girl with very fair skin, so mind that.”

“You’re frighteningly good at this,” James muttered.

“Yeah, well, you’re a homosexual,” Sirius retorted.

James socked him lightly in the side.

The great Imbria threw two compacts, three little boxes of packed colored powder that James could only assume was the eye shadow, another box without any markings on it, and two tubes of dark looking stuff. “There’s your make up, little girlies,” she said with a little cackle.

Sirius backed up a step. “And what about the hair dryer and curling iron?”

The great Imbria grunted, dug around further down the counter, and threw two strange looking instruments on the counter as well. Sirius recognized them as what they wanted.

“Right. The five galleons should cover all of that, then,” James said.

“Not so fast, little mister,” the great Imbria said. She had a fondness for the word ‘little’. “You owe me two silver sickles, right now.”

“WHAT?” gasped Sirius. “All of this is absolute crap. It shouldn’t cost more than a _galleon_ at most, and even then it’s a damn waste of money. We’re not paying you a knut more, and that’s final. Take your five galleons and be satisfied.”

James somewhat admired the way that Sirius spoke. He was forceful.

The great Imbria let out a shriek. “TAKE YOUR THINGS AND LEAVE MY STORE!”

“It’s not YOUR STORE,” Sirius yelled back. “IT SAYS MADAME ZULLINI’S ON THE STUPID SIGN!”

James scooped all of the things they’d bought hurriedly into the bag he’d brought with him and pulled Sirius out by his collar. “Sirius, come on,” he said, “it’s not worth getting into a fight over.”

Sirius shook his fist at the shop keeper as James clambered over the various boxes to get them to the door. James pushed the door open and burst out of the shop, wide-eyed and a little bit unnerved.

“What a witch!” James gasped.

Sirius fixed his collar and shrugged lightly, still breathing a bit hard. “Oh, I don’t know, Jamie. She sort of reminded me of my dear old mum. I liked her, really.”

James rolled his eyes and rattled the bag full of make up.

“Come on, Sirius," he said. "Let’s go home.” 


End file.
